I've been quiet this week because the week has been pretty bad. I haven't said much because there's nothing positive to share. Instead, I've been eating my feelings and my stress. To top if off, I'm PMSy, so I've been craving salt and sugar ALL THE TIME. I know it's bad and I'm determined to move beyond this terrible week, so I think it's time to share the situation with my Mamavation Sistas.
On Monday, I had a meeting with a colleague and realized that the current and pending reorganization of my department was essentially already worked out. I knew in my gut that the people I wanted to get the new roles weren't going to get them and it would likely impact me in some pretty significant ways. Of course I couldn't talk to anyone about this, so I picked up some M&Ms.
Throughout the week, I watched my team become more and more nervous as rumors flew around about upcoming announcements. I tried to keep quiet and stuffed my face with Oreos.
On Thursday, the new selections were made. I didn't hear from my boss until that evening, and I could tell from his cryptic message that things weren't good. I went to a networking event and tried to hold it together, but it was a little much. When I went home, I couldn't force myself to work out and I just sat in bed, watching TV.
Finally, on Friday, the announcement about the new structure was sent out. As I predicted, the whole thing was predetermined, despite the last month of stress and interviewing for my boss and all of his peers. The new structure will be fine and I know that ultimately, I will be fine, it's just really sad to realize that it was all a charade. I've lost so much trust as a result of this...and I feel so naive for believing that things might work out differently. On Friday night, I enjoyed some red wine and kettle chips.
So here we are now. I'll be meeting with my new VP on Monday and hope to hear his vision for our department. I don't know if I'll fit into that or if I'll end up interviewing for a different role in the company or if I'll have to find a new employer. I probably won't know the outcome of this for a month. I will have to handle my emotions for the next four weeks and need to find a way to curb my eating behavior while I work through this stress. It's tough...my job is so much of who I am and I am struggling with the ambiguity. It will be okay though.
I've signed up for the Mamavation #2weekchallenge - the timing couldn't be more perfect. I need some daily accountability to work off my stress. The challenge is still a week away so in the meantime, I have the following plan.
Sunday, March 3rd: Tae Bo 10 Minute Workout, 3 miles, #plankaday
Monday, March 4th: Final fit test for the 100 PushUp Challenge!!, 2 miles, #plankaday
Tuesday, March 5th: Pure Barre
Wednesday, March 6th: 2-3 miles, #plankaday, pushups
Thursday, March 7th: REST
Friday, March 8th: 2-3 miles, #plankaday, pushups
Saturday, March 9th: Tae Bo, #plankaday
Sunday, March 10th: REST
I'm going to stop stressing about the extra calories I ate this week and just proceed normally with food. I'm planning healthy meals for the week and plan to avoid sugar. I'm back on track...starting today!