back on the wagon?

I cannot begin to tell you how many posts I have in draft status. It has been over four months since my last post. I’ve barely been able to think, let alone write, since the summer. My brain and my body are completely fried. I’m burned out from work and parenting and life. I went straight from the corporate Hunger Games (yet another post in draft status) to selecting my team, to implementing new processes, to picking up the pieces from all of the change. I’ve worked an average of 80 hours per week since April and it is killing me. Sure there have been a couple of weeks where I only put in 60 hours and the week of my daughter’s birthday (July), I only worked 40. But still…this is too much and it’s not healthy. I feel like a blob. I have been eating too much sugar, haven’t been logging as many miles as I’d like and I even gave up on Pure Barre for a few months. I think I’ve put on four pounds, although – thankfully - my clothes fit well. It’s time to find some balance. Since work isn’t going to slow down, I am going to try to hold myself more accountable to me. Step one – meet my new friend, the FitBit. I bought this bad boy as my birthday present to myself and I’ve been wearing it religiously. Now it’s time to make sure I hit my 10k steps every day. I like seeing how the little changes I make impact my calorie burn, so it’s a motivator. Step two – return to Pure Barre. I’ve started going once per week and I’m signed up for at least one class a week through November. Step thee – return to Mamavation. Here I am, ladies! I’m hoping that you will help me stick to this!

it pays off

Last week, I posted this photo online. 

I was excited to show off my child in the pool and didn't think too much about it.  Almost instantly, an old friend commented, "smokin' hot bod!"  Seriously?  Who would think I was "smokin' hot?!?"  Then I looked a little closer at the pic.  I've come a long way from my post-pregnancy body.  The fact that I'm willing to wear a bikini at the local family hangout pool is a testament to the fact that I'm comfortable with myself.  Sometimes I struggle with eating too much junk food and sometimes I have to force myself to work out, but this picture made me realize that it pays off.

Happy Monday!

Worse than a desk job

I have been sitting in interviews for over a week.  Seriously...40+ hours of interviewing candidates in the last week.  It has been intense.  On the bright side, I've found some really wonderful candidates for the manager roles on my team.  On the not so bright side, I feel like a complete slug thanks to all the sitting.

Seriously, sitting in a conference room doing all these interviews is far worse than sitting at a desk.  It's been like groundhog day!  I used four different versions of my interview guide, so I wasn't asking each candidate the same questions, but still...  It was really hard to keep organized and on track in the interviews.  Thank goodness that I practice what I preach to hiring managers about taking good interview notes!

So back to the sitting.  I was in the office, sitting in a conference room from 7a-5p each day last week.  Then I went to my office and worked for a few hours to get somewhat caught up on email.  Long story short, I didn't work out nearly as much as I wanted to.  By the time I got home from work, I was completely drained and just wanted to veg in front of the TV or go to bed.  I think I only got in one workout all week.

This week is off to a similar start.  We've had long talent calibration sessions and these conference room pow-wows are killing me!  I need to walk around.  I need to move!  I'm also suffering from some allergy issues and my throat is a mess.  I didn't work out last night as a result.  Tonight will be better though.  I'm planning on 3 miles and some strength training.  Tomorrow I'm scheduled for a Pure Barre class.  I'm not sure what is in store for the rest of the week, but I'm hoping for nice weather this weekend so we can go on a family hike.

Have an awesome week, sistas!

“ This post is sponsored by Noelle Katai and Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway ”

Update on Goals

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We're nearly two months into the New Year, so I thought it was a good time to give a quick accountability update on my goals.   

1. Write regularly.  Write in my own blog, leave comments on others, and write about N's childhood so she has a record of it.
• This is going well.  I've posted at least once per week and have been able to leave comments on other blogs as well.  I could probably be better about chronicling N's childhood...most of my posts have been about me (conceited??).
2. Constantly remind myself that N is not trying to drive me crazy...she's just 3.  Give myself time outs when her behavior starts to upset me.
• This is going really well for me, but has caused me to notice that my husband could be much better.  I've actually been pretty pissed at him recently because of my frustration about how he interacts with her.  I guess it's time to address that as a secondary issue.
3. Focus on wellness, not just fitness.  Change my workout routine to include more yoga and strength training to help me feel calm and centered.  The goal here is to help #2 above.
• I've felt the most impact from this goal.  I've successfully changed my workout routine and my stress levels have reduced as an outcome.  I posted a sample week here in my last Mamavation post and I was able to stick with most of the plan.  I've been so sore from my Pure Barre classes that I've gotten a few days behind on my push-up challenge, but otherwise, I finished everything I set out to last week.  I'm up to 62 uninterrupted push-ups now and I'm pretty proud of it.  I made it through a full hour of Tae Bo yesterday, which is also an accomplishment in my book.
• I still haven't been able to incorporate yoga because of my schedule.  I have some pre-paid passes to the local hot yoga studio though, so I need to make the time to go. 
4. Take care of my skin.  I'm 32 years old and all of the sudden, my face is showing it.  This year, I will invest in, and regularly use, skincare products.
• This is FRUSTRATING!  I've been using a Murad anti-aging and correcting product since the New Year and it hasn't made a difference.  Is this because my skin is beyond repair or because I'm not using a good product?  Regardless, this is expensive and a bit disappointing.
• Does anyone have recommendations of good anti-aging products to share? I'm all ears at this point!

Mamavation Monday 2/18

Last week was mixed for me.  I am still doing well with my workout routine, but I've really struggled with food choices.  I'm feeling very sluggish and I know it's because I'm eating too much sugar.  My carb/fat/protein ratio has been off kilter for a few weeks and I haven't been able to get back on track.  I'm eating too many carbs...it's those damned Cadbury Eggs!! I've told myself that the sugar splurges are okay because I'm stressed, but frankly, that's bullshit. I know I need to manage stress with exercise and just have to hold myself accountable.

This week, I plan to lower my calorie target a bit. I need to show myself that I have some self control. I can stick to a calorie goal, whereas it's hard for me to cut out something specific.  With less calories,I'm  forced to focus on eating healthy, whole foods and I tend to avoid junk.  Hopefully this approach will work for me.  Most of the dinners I've planned for the week include chicken.  My plan is to make enough to take some chicken to work for lunch each day. I assume that if I eat ,ore protein at lunch, I won't want chocolate at 3pm. :)

As for workouts, I have the following planned:

Monday: Cardio (3miles) and #plankaday

Tuesday: Pure Barre (I've found it to be a great workout and I'm so sore after!). We plank in class, so it also meets my #plankaday goal.

Wednesday: Cardio (2-3 miles), #plankaday, and push-ups for the 100 push-up challenge

Thursday: rest

Friday: push-ups for the 100 push-up challenge and #plankaday

Saturday: Cardio (Tae Bo?) and #plankaday

Sunday: push-ups for the 100 push-up challenge and #plankaday

This should be my last week of the push-up challenge...I'm excited to see how many I can do at the end of it.  More to come on that next week.  I'm also very focused on water intake.  I do really well with the #64ozchallenge during the weekdays, but I've been struggling on the weekends.  I just need to be more conscious of it.

What do you have planned?  Have a great week, ladies!

The Topic of Dieting

Over the weekend, N and I were at a play date with one of her friends. We were over at the friend's house with her mother and father who are amazing Italian cooks. Both parents were born in Italy and have been in the US for since grad school and they’re known in our kids’ friend circle for making amazing meals. They fixed lunch for everyone and when we sat down to eat, seemed surprised by my choices. The parents made a salad with olive oil and vinegar, a bacon spinach quiche, pasta with tomato sauce, and rolls. They also served wine – at lunch. I brought these massive red velvet cupcakes from Costco for dessert because I didn’t have time to bake and I thought they were festive.

I chose a small piece of quiche, half of a roll and a large portion of the salad, with just the vinegar as dressing. No wine for me (I can’t drink and then work out), which was very shocking to them and caused the obligatory “Come on, live a little!” statement. Despite the peer pressure, I abstained.

I decided to have half of a cupcake for dessert. I work out hard and I do so because I like sweets. I never avoid dessert. This was also shocking to the parents. The mother made a comment about how she guessed I could handle having a cupcake because of my size, but she couldn’t.

The lunch conversation then turned to the topic of diets, which I really detest. My child and two other impressionable young girls were at the table. I don’t use the word diet in my house. I talk to my child about how I make good choices and I work out to stay healthy. When I was little, my mom was always on a diet and I know that impacted my view of food, my body, and my image. I don’t want that to rub off on N. I’ve made good choices so that N doesn’t feel that pressure from me as she grows up. The dreaded 4-letter D word came up though.

I’ve pondered the fact that in a few years, N’s friends will start talking about diets. When that time comes, I’m planning to focus my response around fueling and taking care of our bodies and being strong women. I know there will be peer pressure, but I feel as equipped as possible to help her through it – when she’s a little older. I never imagined that the topic would come up so early though. She’s 3 years old…I don’t want her thinking about this now.

We went home and after her nap, I asked N to help me make dinner. I talked to her about what we were cooking and shared how it was a balanced meal, full of protein and good carbs to give us energy and help her grow. For dessert, she had one piece of chocolate and thoroughly enjoyed it. She didn’t ask for more because she was full and satisfied. The topic of dieting hasn’t come up since and hopefully, it won’t for a while.

Overcoming Stress

This year, I resolved to change up my workout routine and find the joy in exercise.  I'm doing well overall and feel like I'm keeping the resolution.  At this point, I've finished 33/300 miles for the year, kept on track with the 100 Push-Up Challenge, done #plankaday almost every single night, started the #64ozchallenge, and added in a few new types of exercise.  I'm signed up for a Pure Barre class on Tuesday and I've started back with Tae Bo.  I feel stronger and I know I'm working muscles that I've previously ignored.  

I've previously shared that things are a bit stressful at work right now.  I'm used to stress and as a problem-solver, I tend to thrive in it.  This stress is a little different though.  This stress had me a little worried and caused me to doubt myself.  That's not a good scenario for me.

On Friday, I worked from home because I had several heads-down tasks that needed to be done and I wanted to focus.  I planned to spend the lunch hour with Billy Blanks and my Tae Bo DVD.  I was going out to dinner with my husband on Friday night and wanted to burn some major calories so I could indulge in wine and dessert.  My lunchtime workout was interrupted by work.  My IM kept flashing and email kept coming in and my cell phone was ringing.  It turns out that I didn't do a great job of communicating a project with my team and as a result they were worried about it.  I felt like I goofed and that didn't help the self-confidence that was already wavering.  

I'm horomonal and all I wanted was salt.  The last phone call was the beginning of my potato chip fueled downward spiral.  Before I knew it, I had eaten 800 calories worth of kettle chips while reading and rereading my notes from my project plan.  I managed to put the rest of the chips away and pull myself together.  I was still frustrated and dinner out with the hubs wasn't great.  I ended up being over my calorie goal for the day, which stressed me out even more.

Yesterday was more of the same.  I was feeling stressed and just wanted chocolate and salt.  I ate too much bad stuff but kept pounding water for the #64ozchallenge.  I was so full that I felt like I could vomit. This is my natural reaction to bingeing.  I don't even have to gag...even after 10 years, my body still naturally ties to purge when I eat way too much.  I found myself in the bathroom, trying not to vomit and realzied that I've quickly hit a breaking point.  I've lost control because I'm stressed and I need to kick myself in the ass.  

Stress is, well, stressful.  But this is life and life is full of stressful events.  I have to get over it.  My family shouldn't have to deal with my weird moods, poor food choices or ultimately, poor health because I'm stressed out.  I have an obligation to pull myself up by my bootstraps and move forward.

So I have.  I scheduled a massage for next weekend.  I woke up and drank lots of water.  I fixed a healthy breakfast for my family and then went outside to shovel snow.  I shoveled our driveway and sidewalk and just kept going.  I listened to upbeat music and shoveled three of my neighbors sidewalks and I felt much better.  I came inside cold, but sweaty and invigorated.  I've finished a work project, meal planned and cleaned.  I feel like the Energizer Bunny and that's when I thrive.

I'm going to keep focusing on the positive and try to stop stressing because it's not healthy.  I'd like my Mamavation sisters to help.  Please check in on me via Twitter occasionally over the next few weeks and ask me how things are going.  I know that things will be tumultuous this month and I'd love to feel your support.  Let me know how I can support you too!  

Eyes on the Prize

In my quest for core strength, I've been doing a lot of planking recently and one night last week, I did my #plankaday in my sports bra. I made the mistake of looking down and practically burst into tears as a result. My tummy, it just looked so...so saggy. I hadn't previously realized the full effects of pregnancy on my body. Sure, I knew that my boobs weren't what they used to be, but I didn't think they were bad.  The saggy tummy  realization caused me to rip off my bra and see that my chest is in the same shape. OH...MY...GOD.

Fast forward to today. I was at Dick's this morning to pick up a new resistance band (I broke my old one this week) and noticed that they had running shorts on clearance.  I grabbed a pair of mediums (smalls just seemed so small) and paid just $5.98 them.  When I got home and tried them on, I realized two things.  First, the mediums were big (yay)!  I never really saw myself wearing a size small, but that seems to be the norm for me these days.  Such a victory.  The second, and most important thing is that I have really great legs.  I'm fortunate to be tall and (now) lean with some muscle definition.  All of my hard work over the last year plus has really paid off for my gams!

I've never been proud of my body.  As someone who survived an eating disorder, I clearly have some residual body image issues.  The recent realization that my upper body is showing evidence of mommyhood didn't sit well with me.  However, seeing a really great part of my body helped to put things into perspective. My chest is the way it is because I proudly breastfed my daughter for 15 months.  She was a gloriously fat baby who never had a single ounce of formula and I love the fact that my body was able to provide for her.  What I saw earlier this week is evidence of that triumph, not something to be ashamed of.  My legs look this way now because I've worked my ass off in the gym.  I may not be able to significantly improve my chest, but I can certainly keep working on and show off my rockin' legs!  Now, I have a new reason to do a few more squats.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put on a short skirt and then find my husband. ;)

Mamavation Monday Post #3

I'm sore.

Since jumping on the Mamavation bandwagon, I've been sore.  While I was on winter break, I kept up with most of the hazing workouts and some of the moves really kicked my butt (lunges in particular).  At that point, I realized that my workouts haven't been doing everything that I'd like, so the soreness prompted me to change my entire workout routine.  I'm doing a 100 push up challenge and although I'm almost done with week 2, my shoulders are STILL sore.  I've started doing planks and have more than doubled my time over the last week.  As a result, my abs are sore.  I bought a couple of Tae Bo DVDs.  I loved Billy Blanks 10 years ago, but this afternoon, when I popped the 10 minute workouts disc in, I cursed him.  Now, my quads are sore.

Sore, sore, sore, sore, sore...

Here's the thing...I'm not really complaining.  I like the feeling of achy muscles.  I know that I'm working hard and I love the fact that my body is responding to it.  I can feel myself getting stronger and becoming more powerful.  When I picked up my 38 pound daughter to put her in the cart at Costco today, it was easy.  That was exactly what I hoped would happen.  I'm literally becoming healthier for my family.  Today, N asked me if I was going to do push ups.  She wanted to join me.  How cool is it that at the age of 3, she understands that exercise is good for you.  I've been very careful to ensure that she doesn't associate my lifestyle with weight loss, rather it's all about being healthy.  At dinner tonight, she told me that she loved the quinoa I made for her and my heart melted.

The best development of the week is that my husband started a couch to 5k program.  He's in great shape as a result of eating well and strength training 3-4 times per week for like, forever.  His downfall is cardio.  He will attempt the elliptical, but gets bored immediately and gives up.  He doesn't have a bike and frankly, the weather in our city doesn't make biking easy.  Anyway, he's been paying attention to the fact that I'm shaking up my routines and he decided to do the same.  He went for his first run yesterday and really enjoyed it.  I think he's also really liking the alone time that running affords. :) 

So, although I'm sore, I'm thankful.  My family is healthy and continuing down this lifestyle change with me.  I couldn't be happier about the aches and pains in my muscles because they're proof that I'm doing something right.

New Year, New Resolutions

I've been trying to start a blog for over 6 months, but I haven't taken the time to do it.  The ladies over at Liberating Working Moms make it seem so easy.  I find joy in their regular posts about balancing the craziness that is known as working motherhood.  I want to contribute my thoughts to the blogosphere and Twittersphere, but have been afraid because of...well, work.  First, I spend too much time working and too little time playing.  The idea of cutting into my computer time that is normally devoted to work is just scary.  How will I get all the work things done?!?  Second, our company created a social media policy several years ago it is strictly enforced.  Although I have no intention of writing about anything that is prohibited per the company's standards, I know that I may be judged by my teammates if they believe I'm contributing non-work topics to "the internets."

So, there are my reasons for not blogging.  Now, I proclaim them to be malarkey.  I'm the mother of a 3.5 year old daughter, N, and it is a really tough age.  I want to write about it.  I need to write.  I think it will be therapeutic to put my thoughts out there.  If anyone reads or responds to those thoughts, it will be icing on the cake.   

For my first post, I'm sharing my working mom resolutions so that I can link up with Liberating Working Moms.  Here they are:

1. Write regularly.  Write in my own blog, leave comments on others, and write about N's childhood so she has a record of it.
2. Constantly rremind myself that N is not trying to drive me crazy...she's just 3.  Give myself time outs when her behavior starts to upset me.
3. Focus on wellness, not just fitness.  Change my workout routine to include more yoga and strength training to help me feel calm and centered.  The goal here is to help #2 above.
4. Take care of my skin.  I'm 32 years old and all of the sudden, my face is showing it.  This year, I will invest in, and regularly use, skincare products.

That's it.  I hope that if you're reading this, you'll help hold me to these.  I'd love to cheer you on as well!